In Dreams Awake

 As I was folding laundry and wrapping gifts last night, I watched another goofy holiday movie to keep me company.  It was sweet enough -- and the goings on here at home were as nice.  We were each busy in our own way, but not too frantic which is a great relief.

We're not hosting anything this year so I am a lot more relaxed.  We had family and friends for a couple of gatherings earlier so I feel we've done at least a little something.  The kids are older and wiser so the whole gift thing isn't as pressured as it was some years back, and I'm grateful for that as well.  Though I have to work this morning, it's only part of the day and of course it's a quiet and easy day, good preparation for all of the excitement and emotion these next 48 hours will contain for all of us.

But alas, with Christmas Eve comes the end of my annual blog!  As usual I am a combination of relieved, surprised, regretful -- there are so many ways I cold have done it better.  But, I was glad to end with the stories of Jen, Meghan and Lish. In a very Advent-y way, their stories unexpectedly captured what this season is all about.  Ordinary women, called from somewhere inside themselves, to do extraordinary things.  And finding something -- whether it is 365 days of photos, a dream trip with daughter and sister, or creating your own athletic event - where its completion is your own north star; a guiding light.  All along the journey -each photo snapped, each itinerary planned, each hour on the bike - moving towards it.  Sometimes in leaps, sometimes in shuffles, and sometimes two steps back required before forward momentum can be yours again.  What a capsule of life itself.  Perhaps that is why I am so intrigued and captivated by this season of waiting.  Isn't that what the essence of life is?  It's what we do while we wait.

Back to the movie.  The beautiful quote from Thoreau was part of this rather cheesy movie.  This one: "Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake." I think in this time of preparation, this is what I'll move towards in 2016.  To live the truest life I can, and be present while I'm doing it.  I'm not sure it will include 365 photos or a dream trip, and I'm pretty sure it won't include an IronAmy event - but it will include living this great and grand life that is mine to have - as it is yours to have as well.  May I be awake for it all, and so may you.

From the bottom of my heart to you and yours - Merry Christmas!

Love,

Amy

Ironwoman Part III - Lish Reflects

 (This is the third entry of Lish's story where she reflects back on the race and being an Ironwoman...)

Inspiration is an interesting concept. What inspires one may not inspire another. However, having a positive outlook in the face of adversity will always inspire those around you. There have been many times over my law school journey that I have broke down and shed many tears. Tears full of frustration, defeat, fear, sadness, loneliness. But through God, my family, and my will, I was able to pick myself back up and press on. In addition, I invite others to feed off of that strength. To take it from me, apply it to their lives, and succeed. This is my inspiration, to see others positively impacted.

I used to openly share that I’m a single mom in law school. I found a turning point a year ago where I stopped always referencing being a single mom. It sounded like an excuse. I don’t believe in excuses. Things in life happen, and I believe in finding a new solution. Nothing in life is certain, change is inevitable. Being flexible is key. And having a positive attitude while accepting change is essential. This outlook is inspiring to others, especially those facing huge, life-changing events. Empathy is one of the greatest gifts I have gleaned in the past 3 years. Instead of offering an excuse, I share that I am blessed.

I received some negative feedback that I did not complete a real “sanctioned” Ironman event, and therefore can I really call myself an Ironman? The history behind Ironman is three amazing athletes who got together in Hawaii and put their longest distances in to one race. It then became a brand name. But the distance is what matters. That distance is 140.6 miles: 2.4 mile swim, 112 mild bike, and 26.2 mile run. I completed over that distance in each event, and therefore completed the Ironman Tri distance. I chose to not let finances be an obstacle to my goal. Creatively finding a way to invent my course and complete it, Yes. I am an IronWoman.

Ironwoman, Part II - Lish's Story

(Lish's story is continued from yesterday...)

 There were so many obstacles along the way of training for this distance, time being the largest factor. I spent many days waking up at 3:00am to get on the bike trainer and ride for two or three hours until daylight, and then off on the road for another two hours. The bike portion alone is 112 miles in this distance. Training includes multiple bike rides of at least 50 or 60 mile distances. In addition, getting swimming in meant I had to drive 30 minutes to access a lap pool. Needless to say, I let the swimming portion slack and cut my losses. Swimming is not my best event. I needed to spend more time getting used to being on the road on my bike, time in the saddle, and running after the bike to acclimate my legs.

Since I was racing my distance up in Minnesota, I had to map out where this race would occur. After consulting with my family, swimming in the lake at my house, biking the lake three times, and then running the trail to a neighboring town and back would suffice. Fingers were crossed for good weather and road conditions. Another obstacle was the “law school hermit” syndrome. I spent much of the prior two years being alone studying, alone working out. Now being alone biking these huge distances and running...to add swimming laps alone to the mix? In addition, I was in full-time summer school and my days were spent studying alone. I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed to be social, to share life with others. I joined Crossfit Triumph by my house, full of great people and a good family environment. I took my kids to workout with me, combining a new form of cross-training with loving my children. It became a perfect solution. The strength I developed through CrossFitwould adequately carry any athlete through 140.6 miles of racing. Most importantly, my kids were constantly happy with pink cheeks from exercise. The CrossFit Triumph Family deserves much appreciation from me for caring for my very person.

Motivation was another obstacle. I turned to creating an Instagram page and started following Ironman athletes. I found that through shared posts of successes and failures through the journey was uplifting. It put a light in my sky when I was covered in dark exhaustion. Athletes around the world that I had never met would send me encouragement and inspiration. Social media proved to be a very powerful and motivating tool (when used appropriately).

Race morning was unlike any other race I have done. I knew what was ahead of me, at least twelve hours of strenuous exercise, and the fact that nothing would stop me from finishing the distance. That pressure usually terrifies me. On this day, I was surrounded by my family. Even though everyone was asleep, I was home. I felt calm, peaceful, excitement, and that God had truly blessed me with the most amazing family. My kids were sound asleep and I had peace knowing they would be well-taken care of during the entire day of racing.

A cold front had blown in, true to Minnesota summers. As a Florida girl, this would be daunting for the swim. But the wind was light and Gull Lake literally looked like glass. My brother, Thomas, followed along my swim in a kayak. His presence was calming. Everytime I looked up to spot, I saw him sipping his double espresso, watching the horizon. The steam was rising off his coffee cup casting shadows against the coming dawn. Even with a full wetsuit the swim was freezing, and I was slower than my test swim three days prior. Interestingly enough, I never had the thought, “what the heck am I doing?” because my body wasn’t awake. Or it was frozen! As an endurance athlete, I knew this to be a good sign of adequate training.

Exiting the water, all of my siblings who weren't up at the cabin with my sleeping kids were on the dock. Coffee in their hands, cheering. My mom, the Professor of Photography at MSU, was there taking pictures. I had tears rolling down my face. Shivering so bad, I sat in a hot bath for 20 minutes. As I sat warming up, I looked at each family member, Thomas, Elle, Noelle, Mary, Mom, Brandon. I was overcome with indescribable thankfulness. Almost as though God was smiling on me, showing me that there is good in this world. The peace covering my skin was like warm, liquid gold.

I have a love-hate relationship with biking, the next event. Being clipped in, the sheer speed attainable on a road bike, traffic, and road obstacles have always set my heart rate over maximum. I don’t prefer biking in sanctioned Half Ironman races due to the volume of cyclists to dodge, but this event proved different. My brother-in-law, Brandon, rode the entire bike with me. My sister, Noelle, rode half with me. I will also add that both Noelle and I are ambassadors for Vanderkitten athletic wear for women. Proud to be racing with my sister in our VkVIP gear.

Let me just mention that 112 miles is no easy bike. Add to that amount of elevation gained from the hills around Gull Lake on three loops. Honestly? I couldn’t have asked for a better bike portion. We held a solid, rocking pace for the entire ride. Stopped twice to get hugs, peanut butter bagels, Chobani yogurt, and water from my “pit crew” (the family came to the end of the road and would wait until we biked up). Oh, I cried one time there too when I saw my son, Joseph. Tears. But we pushed on. Noelle and Brandon are experienced, incredible cyclists. To keep up with them was challenging, and exactly what I needed for pace. We ended up averaging 19.6 mph for the 112 miles, a ridiculously intense pace applying all of those factors.

By the time the run came, the weather had heated up and the humidity was heavy. Sunshine was abundant which while seemingly lovely, is dehydrating. I was exhausted. I wanted it to be over, and I was looking at 26.2 miles of fun ahead of me. Thomas, ran the first part with me. Having run many races with him, it added comfort to the most grueling portion of the race. And then my sister, Mary, stepped in to run a few miles for support. Mary ended up running the rest of the marathon with me. Her longest run ever! She ran 15 miles. I was so, so, so proud of her. Her success gave me inspiration and lifted my feet off of the ground.

At mile 20, I was tapped out. Mentally, physically, I was beyond exhaustion. Noelle met us and brought me a yogurt and a beer. Hands down, the best beer ever. I sat for 25 minutes pondering the experience. All marathoners know a marathon is judged by the last 4-6 miles. I found strength in that moment, and I knew, no matter if I had to walk 6 miles, I was going to be an IronWoman. With the help of Mary, I picked myself up and ran it home. My shoes came off at mile 22, as my feet were swollen and aching. Running barefoot was a new experience and definitely one I will repeat. It was simply glorious.

When I was finally at the end, I came around the bend in the road and saw my family standing there with a long Finish Line sign stating IronLish 8/7/15. I cried salty tears as I ran through, arms in the air. Done and Done. Against all odds, somehow finding renewed strength day in and day out, I. AM. IRONWOMAN.

(Lish reflects on her story more tomorrow...)

Ironwoman, Part I - Lish's Story

This is the journey of Lish Anderson-Tarrant.  Lish and I have never met in person, but she did something this year that definitely sparked joy for me.  

I don't remember exactly when I first read about Lish via her sister-in-law and our family friend Emilie -- but I remember stopping in my tracks.  Emilie was posting about this remarkable one-woman :homemade" Ironwoman Race that Thomas' sister was going to embark upon at their cabin.  The cost of entering a full Ironman race was daunting, so not to be deterred.  She figured out how to do it herself.  Love. It.

Lish's own words beautifully describe this whole adventure -- which I'm splitting into a few entries. We aren't all Ironwomen or men, but I think you'll find a lot in Lish's story that will ring true -- finding a way to make something happen by digging deep, surrounding yourself with support, and ultimately, pushing yourself to success.  

Here's Lish's Journey -- thank you Lish for sharing this!
 

Ironwoman
by Lish Anderson-Tarrant


I was born to run. My parents told me they will never forget the day I learned to walk at 9 months old. I put one foot in front of the other, tenatively, found my bearings, and then just kept walking. I covered the driveway, crossed the road, and walked to the beach. Upon reaching the water’s edge, I was not deterred. I kept walking. My parents had to pull me out once my head was submerged.

I share this story because determination, tenacity, the will to overcome any obstacle are inherently wired within my very soul. Being an athlete has greatly impacted my life. The dedication necessary to push forward in racing or practice applies to all other areas of life. I have found immeasurable strength in school, work, and my personal relationships.

I remember going on ten hour mountain hiking or skiing excursions with my father as a child. After three hours of exercise, something indescribable happened in my physical chemistry. Being built to endure long bouts of physical activity, there is nothing quite like naturally creating good serotonin and endorphins! More importantly, I transformed from an average athlete to a podium athlete. The little things in life that had been stressful no longer held weight. I was always full of joy coming back from those hikes or skiing adventures.

My first full marathon was the Chicago Marathon, when my son was 2 years old. I set a bucket list goal, as running marathons back then did not hold the level of craze it does today. I spent many dark hours training by myself knowing my goal was within reach. I ate more pasta than I care to share. I gave up a Friday night beer knowing my alarm was going off at 5:00am. That experience sparked my joy for endurance racing. I also started training smarter by mapping out six month programs for each race. The more I raced, the more I learned how to tweak the program to achieve better results. The skills of organizing a program, dedication to the pro-gram, and success through achieving desired race results spilled in to all areas of my life. I became a better student, more patient mother, humble to the trials and tribulations of my friends and family, and more dedicated to work. Carrying yourself as an athlete is truly a great achievement because it affects every part of your life.

Being an athlete also pushes you to set greater goals. After running numerous marathons, I was overcome with the question of “what next?”. Five years ago marked a change in racing when I chose to do my first half Ironman. Having never done a triathlon, I figured the endurance distance and mixed sport would be a great goal to achieve. After racing one and loving it, I decided to do a full Ironman. 140.6 miles.

However, my plan was thwarted. I started law school and became a single mom of two at the same time. (I only mention this here because it will set the stage for my journey.) Tumultuous, stressful, exhausting are all accurate descriptions of these past three years. During my second year, I started racing again. Short distances, then training for a half marathon, a full marathon, and finally another half Ironman. It truly added balance towhat I was going through. Exercise, setting goals, trying to add balance to a life where balance was unattainable. Many hours were spent on my bike trainer in the house, books laid out on my handle bars, kids playing by me. I found ways to multi-task that were beneficial for my health, for the family, and for success in law school. Spring semester of my second year, I submitted a final appellate brief, jumped in the car, drove 2 hours to Haines City, Florida, checked my bike in just in the knick of time. Then I drove two hours back, ate pasta, went to bed. Got up at 3 am, drove 2 hours back, and raced a half Ironman. When the gun went off and I was floating in the water, I had a complete panic attack. What was I thinking? How on earth was I going to complete a five to six hour race? All by myself? I still had three more finals to take. I felt under-trained. Rolling myself on to my back to breathe, I spent a couple minutes letting the panic subside. And then I turned around and started swimming. Being an athlete gives you a place of courage and strength, deep within your soul to go when times in life are so overwhelming.

After that race, I decided to do a full Ironman. That summer. Nothing felt unattainable at the very moment I crossed the finish line of the Haines City Half Ironman. And this goal became set in stone when driving the two hours back home to finish finals. The only hinderance I saw was money. Racing is not cheap, a full Ironman costs around $750 just for the entry. That isn’t including travel costs, lodging, the cost to ship your bike and helmet, food, etc. As I was on very limited finances, this obstacle was huge. So I developed a plan to run my own Ironman, track my distance on Garmins, and involve my family who has supported me day in and day out through law school. In this decision, I renamed my goal “IronWoman”.

 (Lish's story continues tomorrow...)

Meghan's Trip of a Lifetime

I love this story shared by my friend Meghan. Meghan is a big Facebooker, and I would regularly see these posts about this trip - for years. I remember thinking this was all a little crazy.

But then, when the trip actually came to pass? Glory! Even I, a remote friend, was thrilled to see all of the adventures as they unfolded. It was really happening! Carefully planned out Harry Potter stops, B & B'a that were castles, amazing color and emotion in the Scottish seaside. Fabulous.

And it made me want to do the same with my own daughter. Again the themes of perseverence, pushing through, and having support from loved ones.

Meghan was with me in the first year of this blog - thanks for joining in again, you lovely lady! And thank you for sharing your journey.

Here is Meghan's story...

The day my daughter, Lily, was born, my sister told me she was going to take her on a trip for her 13th birthday. They would go anywhere in the world together, and she got to choose the destination. Five years ago, when my Harry Potter obsessed girl decided to go to London, I told them I was going to come too. Both participants were not 100% thrilled with this idea, but I didn't care. London, Baby! (That's still a thing, right?)

My sister Jessica, Lily and I got together most Friday nights for a year before our great adventure to figure out logistics. Since we had so much time to plan and save money, and because we weren't so good on checks and balances, the trip took on a life of its own. When all was said and done-- to the delight of my daughter and anxiety of my husband-- the trip was a month long and took us from the Highlands of Scotland to a camel ride in the Sahara desert. Every detail of the trip was examined over and over. I filled journals with potential itineraries, researched, and studied Google maps obsessively. We were aware that we were over planning, but it was hard to stop because, well, we didn't want to. We even planned our "Take a deep breath and savor the moment" moments and our inevitable emotional crash after the trip.

However, I didn't foresee how emotional I was as I said goodbye to my husband and children. Lily, who was meeting me in Scotland four days later, didn't understand why I was crying. But I felt like I was ripping myself away from who I was in reality-- a loving wife and mother who keeps the household going-- and forcing myself to become a person that was just a fantasy. It felt fake, so it felt dangerous and precarious.

But then realized this all had been my choice. I have control in this situation. Even though it didn't seem real, this alternate life was my reality for the next month. The maps I had studied were coming to life. I was able to touch, smell and see what had been my dreams for 5 years. I knew I had to slip into this new persona and leave Minnesota Meghan (who gets lost driving out of the driveway) at home. So I pulled myself together and by plane, train and automobile I got myself to Glasgow and across the country of Scotland to a tiny house on the Eastern coast. In the first 24 hours, I had to figure out train stations, bus schedules, currency, broken ticket machines that weren't broken for anyone else, and a car rental agency that didn't have my reservation. And, I had to drive on the wrong side of the road while shifting with my left hand and sitting on the right side of the car.

But after I finally arrived at my Bnb, I took my first of many sunset strolls down to the rocky Scottish beach I had memorized from pictures. I felt a pride in myself that had been asleep for many years. The moment wasn't complete though until I called my husband and shared it with him. Some things never change.

By the time Lily and Jessica arrived, I was calm, confident and comfortable being in charge-- three things Minnesota Meghan normally is not. The month flew by, as we knew it would. We laughed, ate, and explored our way from city to city. The only real lows were the 3 times we got horribly lost and almost ran out gas. And there was an unfortunate fish platter on the French coast. We also couldn't figure out tollbooths on the French highways. Eventually, a toll worker had to leave her booth, dodge the traffic, and come help us. They forgot to turn the intercom off, so we could hear them laughing at us. Actually, they were laughing *with* us.

I still don't know how this happened, but somehow I took the wrong train out of Marseille. I ended up in Paris, 3 hours north of the plane to Amsterdam I was supposed to be taking. But, with uncharacteristic calm, I figured out how to get to Amsterdam anyway. With each misstep and embarrassment, my perseverance allowed my confidence to grow and grow. But one thing that did not grow was my mastery of the French language. When I wanted a hat for a street vender, I said "Je m'appelle hat." My sister and daughter called me Hat the rest of the trip.

The reason for this trip started because of our desire to bond with Lily before she launches fully into adolescence. My sister and I wanted to celebrate who she is, and who she is becoming. As we traveled, I saw her mature with her own self-assurance. With each brand new experience, her world got bigger... and yet, I felt like the experiences brought her closer to me. We shared our alternate reality, and it had us walking hand in hand down the streets of London. 

I bought 8 coffee mugs on the trip. It drove my very logical sister crazy that I kept buying breakable, heavy items to add to my pack. But I knew my mugs would be a way to be transported back to London or Paris or Amsterdam as I drank my coffee in my kitchen. I also brought back a bit of confident Scottish Meghan to melt with Minnesota Meghan. There is a new inner strength in me that I care for and feed as often as I can. Sadly, my sense of direction did not improve. Today, there is an honesty and a closeness to my relationship with Lily now. It remains to be seen if that will survive adolescence.

But, as they say, we'll always have Paris.

--

Meghan's Pics

The Elephant House coffee shop in Edinburgh. This is where JK Rowling sat a wrote the first Harry Potter. She still goes back for readings and book signings there.

After I said "Je m'appelle hat."

Lily's 13th birthday on a beach in Southern France

In Fingal's Cave, Scotland

Typical Lily and Jessica

 The mugs

From left to right 

--Clan Gordon mug from Loch Ness 

--Mug from the lighthouse that serves as the "gift shop" for the Glenelg/Skye ferry. Magical experience dancing in the rain to bring the seals closer to our boat. Possibly her most memorable night of the whole trip. 

--Elephant House mug, where JK wrote the first Harry Potter! 

-- Hogwarts mug from Warner Bros. Harry Potter Studios 

-- London mug gotten at a Starbucks bought out of frustration with my sister since they kept me waiting for them for 2 hours on a bench. 

-- Speedy's Cafe mug where they film Sherlock with Benedict Cumberbatch 

-- Paris mug from the little shop down the street from our flat 

-- Marseille mug from the pier I walked every day 

-- Almond Blossoms purchased at Van Gogh museum.